i honestly could not tell you why this made me laugh so hard
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- me: this book destroyed my life and broke my heart into a million tiny pieces
- me: here read it
- omfg i just got the most awkward phone call from this college
- guy: hello i am a representative of sdjfnkjsdfwf college i am calling to inform you that you have been accepted for the fall semester here at sdjfnkjsdfwf college
- me: yes i know i got the email thank you
- guy: you’re welcome
- me:
- guy:
- me:
- guy:
- me:
- guy:
- me: um
- guy: okay bye
- Biology Teacher: So the sperm is surrounded with glucose
- student: you mean semen is like sugar?
- Biology Teacher: yeah basically
- me: doesn't taste like..
- Biology Teacher:
- me:
- student:
- Biology Teacher:
- me:
- student:
- me: whoops
In Bed with the Bae
Her: Babe I wanna have a baby
Me: When?
Her: Right now… *Climbs on top of me*
Me: *Throws her off*
*pulls out Calendar*
Me: Uh uh. Look here.. right now it’s September and approximately 9 months from now it’ll be around June, which means there’s a strong chance our baby could be a Gemini. Too Risky. Let’s not.
I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.
José Micard Teixeira (via butt-boy)
- me: i had a bad dream lol
- boy: what happened tell me about it
- me: i dont wanna talk about it
- boy: ok
- me: so ur not gonna ask what it was about
- me: *identifies the most hated female character*
- me: that's her
- me: she's the one
- me: i'll love her till the day i die
- me: *designs an oc*
- me: *thinks of the kind of personality my oc has*
- me: *gives oc a backstory as well as friends and love interests etc*
- me: ah yes but what is your name
- Abuela: mijo, te hago un sanwich?
- Me: no, gracias abuela acabo de comer.
- Abuela: te parto fruta?
- Me: no, gracias.
- Abuela: no quieres un jugo de naranja?
- Me: no abuela.
- Abuela: un vaso de agua?
- Me: no, de veras estoy bien.
- Abuela: come mierda pues.